This has been my first summer working a real, honest-to-goodness jobby-job since bringing home a baby in December 2003. See photo above for a representation of how I’ve been handling it.
Last summer I began freelancing for Nickelodeon’s ParentsConnect, and this January I accepted an editor position with this premier, entertaining and REAL parenting site. I get to work for a major media company and write for a website that meshes with my “skills” from home (while still maintaining my blog)…a dream come true.
Sidenote: I’m hosting a prize-filled online party over on Nickelodeon’s ParentsConnect TODAY, Tuesday August 24 from 11:59am-11:59pm ET. We’re giving away toys and back-to-school prizes! It will be fun. Join me, please, this is the link with details on how to party with me and win!
So the last three months have been all about balancing the taking care of the kids when they’re out of school with an almost full-time job. But stupidly, I thought I could handle this summer just like I have the others.
I signed the kids up for swimming lessons, planned weekly outings and playdates, organized my church’s vacation Bible school. I planned for family to visit us and to host them with fun meals and outings during their stays. I attended the BlogHer Conference as a speaker, attendee and ambassador for the Huggies Every Little Bottom program (I’ll be posting a run-down of that experience with lots of giveaways of cool products soon!). I accepted an assignment from The Washington Post on August activities for kids and families while camps are out and school’s not in.
I DID sign the kids up for some camps.
Another sidenote: Summer day camps I personally, highly recommend to you all for next year:
- Silver Stars in Silver Spring gymnastic camp with half- or full-day options and before- and after-care.
- St. Andrews Lutheran Preschool‘s three weeks of five-day preschool camp in June.
I also hired a teenage babysitter to watch the kids and take them to the pool and keep them entertained/away from the TV for 10-20 hours per week. She was great, drove and the kids adored her. (NO, you CAN’T have her number. Sorry. She’s MINE.) But the sitter had her own family vacations and summer activity commitments and was not full-time, so I still had a great deal of child care/career juggling.
And after all that juggling, now I’m jiggling. Because with a summer like this we ate a lot of take-out burritos and grabbed breakfast at Starbucks and evil donut establishments that end in an apostrophe. And although my rail-thin, leanly-muscled (thanks Daddy for the awesome gene pool) and hyperactive (um, that genetic trait was from Mom) kids look ripped after a summer of swimming and running around, I barely worked out. OK, I’ll just say it: I never worked out. But did that keep me from wearing a swimsuit AND drinking beer AND eating popsicles like it was my job? Nope.
Yup, this is the post where I sound like one of those people trying to one-up everyone else on how busy I am, cut with a small amount of self-deprecating humor about the droopiness of my ass. And where I reveal myself as a pampered stay-at-home mom who now is whining that she gets paid to BLOG and write fun stuff FROM HOME who should just shush. But let’s just get this out of the way now: I am a total jerk. There, I said it for you. We are agreed.
But it’s mainly my annual post where I’m utterly worn out by the amount of work that falls to parents in the summer who are used to the child care routine of school.
And it’s my annual ode to all the working moms out there who have been multi-tasking like this FOR YEARS, and when I ask them
HOW HAVE YOU WORKING MOTHERS BEEN LIVING LIKE THIS????
How have you been taking care of your families, yourselves, your careers, your homes, your marriages/romantic relationships, your friendships, your familial relationships? Because I have SUCKED at all of mine. I was supposed to host the get-together of my book club. IN MAY. I call my mom back…after she leaves THREE messages. Barely hanging on as it is, I’m utterly FLOORED by natural disasters and any change in the routine. I have four inches of mousey-brown/gray showing at my roots. We haven’t even had a proper housewarming party for our friends since moving into our new home…one year ago. I’m being stalked by every health care professional in the county for our family to obtain their annual check-ups. The fridge is a wasteland and the cupboard only houses one stale box of cereal that no one likes and a sweet potato sporting a seven-inch growth.
This, from a chick who used to bake her own biscotti. Plan a fancy-schmancy dinner every night. Organize outings for my mom’s club. Wait on the front steps for Daddy to come home from work looking all pretty while the kids ran around catching fireflies in Mason jars like it’s freaking Mayberry.
So working parents, I worship you. I’m not even a full-fledged, 40-hour week member of your ranks, and I still suck at this.
And you know who else I worship? TEACHERS.
I cannot wait for school to start.
A Parent in Silver Spring will resume regular postings Monday – Friday after Labor Day. Until then, please expect the sporadic two-three times a week drivel you’ve been receiving all summer long.
Comments
MammaMania
Welcome to my world! 🙂 I totally love this post BTW!!!! And you don’t have a droopy ass…. I’ve seen it recently. hehe
[Reply]
lolli
Thank you for writing this post! This sounds just like ME!!! Many things, including my butt and my basement, have gone to pot, while my kids look like tan little athletes. At least they’ve stayed busy!!
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Leida M
Wow, I would have NEVER thought this was going on!! :*
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JesC
Thanks – all of us droopy ass people who are stuck in offices all day missing the heck out of our kids, feeling completely overwhelmed and underappreciated, thank you for a little giggle with your post and the appreciation we so very much want 🙂 Happy Tuesday … only 3 more days to go until the much too short, but lived for, weekend!! 🙂
[Reply]
Leah
My single working mom mantra is: simplicity! As much as I wish I could do book clubs and go to the gym and great things like that, there is simply not time. 🙁
My son eats a lot of Trader Joe’s blueberry waffles, organic pizza and Costco chicken nuggets. I wish it was gourmet meals from scratch, but at least I serve some fruit and carrot sticks with it!
Also, use the money you’d spend at Starbucks on daily lattes to hire a housekeeper. Best decision I ever made.
Summers do suck – they are hard! No question. But you rock!
Big hugs!
Leah
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LindaR
Thanks for making a Working Mom… who works as a TEACHER, feel pretty good about herself today. No secret… just a day at a time, and remember that my cutie is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Oh by the way… Gym? What’s that? Yoga in my house before I hit the pillow- my fav. workout. Keep up the great work APISS! We love your blog!
[Reply]
Michelle
Yep!
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Lindsay Lebresco
Ugh- I could go on & on about this topic. My DH is a SAHD and basically, he takes care of the kids- that’s it. Now don’t get me wrong- that’s the most important part & he’s good at it. Usually has more patience then I do but that is it- no parties with other parents, no creative learning games, no fancy dinners when I’m done work, no shopping for kids party presents, no errand running (he DOES grocery shop!) – it gets old always being the mom with store bought snacks, presents with no cards, crap dinners, etc. It’s just so damn hard & some days are worse than others. Like I said, I could go on but I’ll spare you the negativity! Good luck this fall- I’m anxious to see how I’ll adjust with my first in Kindergarten & how I’ll feel about the only mom who can’t volunteer & all that other stuff!
[Reply]
amy mascott
For as frazzled as you say you are, my friend, you are lookin’ pretty darn good if I say so myself! And I just saw you a few weeks back.
I, too, am in awe of working parents and have no idea how they do it. NO IDEA. Hang in there. Things will leveoul out come fall, and before you know it, you’ll be ahead of yourself again. (I’ll think big for you, okay? That’s what friends are for. . .)
[Reply]
Thien-Kim
LOL! I think the answer is “We don’t” We just make it look like we have our act together. Don’t even peek at my kitchen sink-fullof dirty dishes! How about the pile of clean and dirty clothes? it’s a good week when my pile of clean, unfolded clothes is bigger than the dirty pile.
I’m ready for school to start too!
[Reply]
Michelle
OMG! Jess, I just read your whole entry!!! I did not mean my flippin “yep” at what you were saying about yourself but about its mystery. I’m going to go on the fact the you know I absolutely LOVE you and that I wasn’t referring to you. Am I over reacting??? If you think so (and I don’t) just so you know it’s part of the schizophrenia I feel trying to do all of the above!
Whew, I’m tired.
Hugs….
[Reply]
Michelle
Okay, last post: Think of Hammy on Over the Hedge! Yep, that’s me!
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Graphosa@aol.com
I loved this! Jess, don’t believe that those OTHER moms are doing it better. Here’s the dirty little secret: GREAT STORAGE to masquerade the mess, the incomplete tasks, the piles of bills, circulars, must-do paper based tasks, clothing with missing buttons and coffee stains,toys needing a glue job, scrapbook piles never to be completed and my personal favorite– books on ORGANIZING strategies. Just close the cupboards and order a cappuccino.
[Reply]
Heidi
I went back to work when my daughter was 3 months old. First part-time, then eventually full-time. She’s going into 1st grade now.
First, I’d say that nobody has it all. Or maybe we just redefine what “all” means.
For childcare, we had a nanny share, then a child care center that offered all-day, year-round care during the preschool years, and now before-and-after care during the school year, and full day in the summer.
I see my friends sometimes and keep up via Facebook and email and texting in between. I work downtown, so occasionally my husband will do daycare pickup and I’ll meet a friend for happy hour.
Once or twice a year we have a big gathering of everyone over at the house, kids and all.
We have a cleaning service every other week. If you do nothing else, do this! It’s so worth it.
Without having to do the major household cleaning, we can sanely divide up the rest. My husband does the grocery shopping and meal planning and most of the cooking, God bless him. I’m the gardening and yardwork and home maintenance and IT and monthly finances gal. I’ve got most of the bills set on autopay, and track everything through Mint.
So there’s always something on the to do list, but it’s never really too much. Sure, my house is more cluttered on Sundays than I’d like (it always accumulates throughout the week), but it’s not horrible. Only homes in catalogs are clutter-free!
Now if we are lucky enough to have a second child, maybe it’ll all fall apart, but this is what works for us.
[Reply]
Corey Feldman
My wife teaches 3 or 4 yoga classes a week, but she is predominantly at home. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to keep our lives, and more importantly our children’s lives in order if she worked full-time. We couldn’t do it without help. I suppose that is what they say it takes a village…
[Reply]
Lisa G
Well, you didn’t have real childcare, or should I say, full-time childcare. You were trying to work full-time with part-time childcare.
Back when I was in the office world and had full time daycare, I found that far, far easier than being home all day. I remember how 3-day weekends used to kick my butt, I was so exhausted and couldn’t wait to get back to the office just to recover.
[Reply]
cristie
The people you call “real working” moms have full time childcare for the hours they work. I know, I was one. You’re now caught in that strange world of working/SAHM who has all the hours of both and half the support but equal guilt! Cut yourself some slack, you still look amazing to the rest of us. Your kids seem deleriously happy and I’m sure your mom understands having to wait on a return call. In the meantime, you continue to inspire and motivate moms and kids far and wide and you are entitled to voice the frustration (maybe even whine a bit) now and then. Never fear, you’re doing it all way better than you think and I’m you’ll get back to the gym in September like all the other over-tasked moms of summer. 🙂
[Reply]
melanie
it is SO hard. i work ft but an early shift so i am home at 3 with the kids. however, i can’t do that every day, and i frequently have very little to no warning, so it’s very hard to get sitters. and recently my 4 year old (have an 8 year old, too) has been struggling to separate from me so i don’t get into work on time, either, then have to do the work from home later on – i’m grateful i’m able to do this at all, but i am SO tired and overwhelmed all the time. and i just found out i lost all my sitters, and am totally stressing out trying to dig up some new ones. but, much as i miss my kids – usually kicks in about an hour after getting to the office – i am so happy to be there on monday mornings with relative peace and quiet and a door that shuts! i don’t understand how sahms do it, i would go crazy! then again, i already am crazy…
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melanie
oh, i do work out on the treadmill in my basement every morning – but that’s not keeping the pounds in check either.
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CessyD
I’m still trying to get a grip on being a full time stay at home mom without any help. I desprately need a spa day ( or even just a nap and a shower). I do admire you woman who seem to be able to do it all.
[Reply]
Jessica
Being a full-time SAHM mom to your first kid IS REALLY, REALLY hard. I don’t know why, but I thought it was WAAAY easier after I had my second kid two years later???? I know it makes no sense really. Maybe it’s because the second kid becomes obsessed with his/her older sibling too, and not just with his/her parents!!! = less pressure ??
[Reply]
Jessica
Cristie, YOU always inspire ME.
Thank you!
YOU. COMPLETE. ME.
MUWAH!
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Jessica
You’re right. I just felt too guilty to do something full time for the kids when I’m 28 hrs/week, not 40.
Ahhh, mom guilt. That whole subject could take up a ZILLION blog posts!!!
Thanks for the support and kindness. 🙂
[Reply]
Jessica
Corey, you are a PRINCE amongst dads. Thanks for being such an awesome dad and husband to your family, and such a super reader!!!!
[Reply]
Jessica
Thanks for the tip on hiring housekeeping help. I’ve gone in and out of hiring a housekeeper. It *was* a godsend when I had a baby who I couldn’t put down very often.
But then I got this wild idea that I was better at it or something. And that the kids should see their mom doing it rather than another woman…liberal weird b.s. I guess.
Oh yeah, I also thought they’d help with chores. Insert laughter.
[Reply]
Jessica
THANK YOU Toni for validating the need to shove stuff into drawers, closets and beneath beds.
I mean, it’s not like Nate Berkus and Niecy Nash are going to walk in and check stuff out, right??
YOU were a super model of working mom balance when I was a teen. Thanks for reminding me that it’s OK to let the kids pick their birthday cakes out from their fave flavors at the bakery and their Halloween costumes out of the catalog basket!!
[Reply]
Jessica
Michelle – I TOTALLY got your YEP. It was like an AMEN of approval.
You’re the best!!! xoxo
[Reply]
Jessica
Thank you Thien-Kim! You are a GREAT model of balance of work and family, career and kids.
But um, you SEW. And COOK. And BLOG. AND YOU WORK. AND YOU”RE FREAKING MOCHA MOMS PRESIDENT!
You amaze me. I’m not worthy!
But honey, if YOU say you don’t do it all, well, then I feel more free. 🙂
[Reply]
Jessica
It’s all in the SPANX…and having supportive AMAZING friends like you!!!!!!
You’re an incredible hybrid, part-time working mom that always puts her THREE kids first. YOU my friend, are the example of what I hope to do!!
[Reply]
Jessica
Lindsay, you’re incredible! And I completely get it that it’s the woman’s job in a female/male parent house to do all the extra stuff that is outside of keeping the kids alive and happy.
BTW, store bought snacks and treats ROCK and most of my volunteer work at the school (my oldest is one whole year older, going into first) is done from my home computer doing marketing for the school events and fundraisers and such.
Because I think you might have a LEETLE experience with that stuff, no??
xoxxooxox Jess
[Reply]
Jessica
😎
[Reply]
Jessica
THanks for the props. You’re right, I should get back into yoga. I’m always amazed by its natural high and how lean it makes a body look for such low effort.
I’m so lazy. I need to get re-yogafied.
[Reply]
Jessica
People, LEAH IS AWESOME. This woman has such an incredible sense of balance. AND she’s a performer, writer, full-time worker and a ROCKING MOM. And she always looks gorgeous.
And now she thinks I’m stalking her. Nice.
[Reply]
Jessica
You’re such a great mom Jes – thanks always for your support! I wish that I got to work with you, rather than my husband! xoxo
[Reply]
Jessica
Thanks! I have been really bummed that I haven’t been able to post on APISS every week day this summer!!!!
[Reply]
Jessica
YOU”VE kept them busy! You’re such a fabulous mom to FIVE! You are who I want to be when I grow up…AND YOU”RE YOUNGER!!!!
You’re incredible. So happy to have met you IRL this year!!
[Reply]
Jessica
I admire you so much! You really are knocking yourself out to be a great mom and bring home the bacon. Thank you for reading and getting it!!!
[Reply]
Jessica
EVERY morning?! Wow. I did a women’s boot camp with Rachel Posell of FormFunctionFitness.net that SERIOUSLY re-made my bod and taught me how to run. But even that wasn’t every morning. YOU ROCK!
[Reply]
Jessica
THanks for the props, from one of my fave writers – squee!! And from a woman that DOES do it all – starting your own business, staring a networking group, writing a kick ass blog and being a kick ass mom.
Oh, and training for a MARATHON!!
Hello??? You’re amazing. But thanks for getting my angst!!!
[Reply]
Lori
Jessica, thank you for such an awesome post. I am a mostly stay at home Mom of a 4 year old and 10 month old and even without the excuse of working outside the home I can barely get it together. Your experience helps me remember that being a parent and doing it well (weather or not you have a “day job”) takes an incredible amount of work and effort and is impossible to do perfectly. Some days we parents rock and some days we kind of suck. I am trying to have the rocking days outnumber the crap ones. How is that for a lofty parenting goal? 🙂 Congratulations on the job and thank you for your fab blog. It is truly an invaluable resource AND you make us laugh. Yay for you I say!!!!
[Reply]
LeticiaTechSavvyMama
I raise a glass to you and your post because I feel the same way right now! I have found myself wondering why in the world I decided to take a leave from teaching in June when I had an entire summer off in front of me. I’ve tried to see the situation through rosy colored glasses saying that being able to work from home during the school year is worth the 2 1/2 months of crazy summer schedule business but it simply ‘aint true!
Let’s get together and drink box wine when school starts and we are finally out from under this disaster called working at home during the summer, ‘kay? Come on over to my messy house where I’ll have the box nicely chilled and we’ll cheers to the start of the school year!
[Reply]
mmcgary
I hear you…been there, done that! The good news is that it does get (slightly) easier as they get older and time speeds up as you get older so the whole thing turns into a big blur and helps eclipse some of the guilt! I was a SAHM for 8 years…but half of that I was actually a working part-time from home but still considering myself a SAHM so I wouldn’t feel guilty about it, and I remember what a nightmare it was. The first summer I was officially working was by far the hardest, then they gradually got ever so slightly easier…but even though my kids are 12 and 14 now, it still basically feels like a 3 month free-fall.
Only 3 more days!! Not like I’m counting or anything…. 😉
[Reply]
C.Mom
I am dreading the school year because it means I have to work full time…because after all these years, i still have not figured it out. You my friend, are amazing, and look great! I do second the comment about a house keeper- every two weeks. It is a lifesaver!
[Reply]
Musingsfromme/Jill
You would think that since my children are 14, 11, and 7 that this summer would have been a breeze. Nope. It was an utter nightmare.
Thank goodness my teacher/administrator husband was off for part of June and all of July. He did the swim practices, camp runs, and play date drop offs. But, it was still hard to do work in set hours. I frittered time away on twitter when I could have been writing.
Health club? Have not exercised since early July. I believe I can verify it with a lone foursquare check-in.
When the kids weren’t in scheduled activities, all 3 clamored for screen time. I forced the older two to go outside and play, but really it was a losing battle. The days of entertaining kids outside with a swingset, bubbles, and chalk only work with the 7 yo.
Now that my husband is back at work…well our situation is actually worse. Swim team is over. I scheduled no camps for August. The camps I scheduled for July were only half-day for 2 weeks. I only did camps for the older two. This month I am working in between high school volleyball practice, playdates, and football practice. Why oh why is there no internet access at the practice fields?!?!
School can’t start quick enough.
The only plus to this otherwise trying and hectic summer? I bought a boatload of crafts from Michaels. The kids have done Model Magic, popsicle stick building, Perler beads, gimp thread, duct tape purses, and sand art. My kitchen is a mess but I have a little peace each day!
[Reply]
DiPaola Momma
It’s one of those watershed moments in life where we realize that getting what we’ve asked for does NOT mean sparkly pink unicorns, doves flitting above hoisting signs that laud our awesomeness and all being “right” with the world. It is, in fact, WORK to make it happen (no matter what “it” is) and sister I AM IN AWE OF YOU!
Now go make me my biscotti! 😛
[Reply]
rachel
let’s just come out and say it: WE DON’T!!! end of story…
love u & miss u @ boot camp.
[Reply]
rachel
og AND we feel guilty about it!
[Reply]
Jessica R. (aka kikarose)
Yeah. Welcome to the not so glamorous side of being a working mom. You have the HARDEST job of all – being a working mom at home.
Have no fear the summer has been hard on the rest of us too. I only just started working out again on Monday (yes, two days ago) after a 3 month hiatus. And when do I work out? At 11pm after all the work is done and the family is asleep.
As for my hair I last got it cut before BlogHer… 09.And let’s not talk about the state of the house. That’s just embarrassing.
You pick and choose and just do the best you can and learn to let go of a LOT of things.
[Reply]
katebrownvitolio@gmail.com
yeah its wierd because i thought i would work out more over summer (go figure on my thinking there) and i havent been for at least two months to the gym – but have been takign the kids bike riding almost daily which kind of makes a small dent in that. But i work full time – three days in Dupont Circle and two days at home. I love working at home, not having to make myself presentable, not catching the redline – but its really really hard to work when the kids are also around somewhere. So i found myself working in the office more. I am organised at work and completely disorganised at home. Online banking is a godsend for bill paying but i decided this morning to hire a cleaning lady to come and do a thorough clean of our house as i cant stand it any more. ha ha.
[Reply]
Jane
I applaud you for writing this post–it’s wlhat we all think but don’t say–stay at homes, work at homes, part-time, full-times–whatever adjustment we currently find ourselves in–can be really hard, and just when we feel “balanced” the kids hit a new developmental milestone and completely morph into a different kind of human ;). I constantly remind myself that–we collectively are our own role models; no generation has done “this” before–this create our own career and be there for our kids as much as possible–its’ either been all in, or all out. The ladies I’ve met through http://theenterprisingmoms.com/, all sing the same tune at some point; and am glad that there is a place there and here to normalize my own experience! The ultimate carrot at the end of the day for me–is if I can make this work and other moms and dads can too–my children will have more choices and a generation of role models to follow.
[Reply]
Kiesha
I actually have a question if that is allowed. How much do you pay a teenage babysitter?
[Reply]