This week’s episode of House, if you also have recurring dreams featuring Hugh Laurie/Gregory House, M.D. are a fan of the show, showcased the brilliant diagnostician solving the case when he realized the patient couldn’t understand sarcasm. And that little clue of course showed him in 2 seconds exactly how the patient’s earlier hip replacement was poisoning her (?), after nearly one hour of banter with the team, his cleavage-y hospital administrator girlfriend and various subplots and Kindle commercials.

I’m glad I know that both of my children possess the hips they were born with, because at ages 7 and 5, they have yet to interpret all forms sarcasm. Especially when their mom is joking about herself.  They also frequently mis-hear my jokes and repeat them later to others, to great comic effect.

Here are some examples:

“If you’re one of the pod people, does that mean that you know how to pod race, like Anakin in Star Wars Episode I?”

— Question posed to me by son Charlie, after he heard me joking that as a pregnant woman I was now one of the Pod People.

“Have you really gained a ton of weight? Because that is 2,000 pounds, and I know that’s even more than Dad!”

— Another observation by Charlie, who is a big fan of kids encyclopedia-type books, after he heard me talking about my pregnancy weight gain to a friend.

“This is my mama. Her name is Jessica. She’s wearing that giant hat and sunglasses so she can be saved from being put in a ditch or a box.”

— How my daughter Eve introduced me on the beach this summer to another mother, misquoting my earlier joke to her daddy that my over-sized sunglasses and sunhat were a last-ditch effort to stave off Botox.

And I know that you guys out there have similar, waaaaay better and funnier stories and anecdotes of your own.  These said/heard mishaps are part of the funny folklore of families!

You should share YOUR best stories on the Alka Seltzer Facebook page because they’re hosting the awesome Said/Heard Mishaps Contest and the winner of the contest will receive:

  • A trip to New York City to star in an Alka-Seltzer online video featuring his/her entry.
  • The winning spot will premiere on the Alka-Seltzer Facebook page.
  • And you’ll get $5,000 to spend however you want!

(And just so you know, real people DO win these humor contests hosted by major brands. I won one back in 2009!)

All you have to do is go to the Alka Seltzer Facebook page, click the Like button, and then enter your best said/heard mishap story.

I KNOW yours are better than mine.

Good luck – I hope you win!

Disclosure: I am a compensated promotional partner through TheMotherhood of the Alka Seltzer Said/Heard Mishap contest campaign. Due the amount of heartburn I’m battling during this pregnancy, this seemed a very pertinent partnership.

Abbreviated Contest Rules

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Legal residents of the 50 United States (D.C.), 18 years or older. Contest ends 2/25/11. To enter and for Official Rules, including prize description, visit  Void where prohibited.